Because the toaster, the thermostat, and your TV remote now require a degree in computer science.
“They used to just make calls. Now they hold all of your favorite songs and movies, file taxes and listen to your thoughts."
Welcome to the jungle, it’s full of icons. Whether you're on Android or Apple, the goal is survival, with dignity intact.
Common Tips:
Make Text Bigger:
Go to Settings > Display > Font size
Choose "Large" or "Extra large" (because squinting is not a personality trait).
What’s Taking Up Storage?
Open Settings > Storage
Tap around until you find “Other.”
It’s always “Other.” Nobody knows what “Other” is. Just delete unused apps.
Force-Closing Apps (When it’s being rude):
Swipe up from the bottom (or use the app switcher button), then swipe the app off the screen like you’re ghosting it.
Charging Myths:
You don’t need to charge your phone to 100% every time.
You don’t need to drain it to 0%.
You do need to stop using a cord that’s held together by electrical tape and hope.
Fiber Tip:
“If your phone is listening to you, say something nice about it for once.”
"I just wanted Jeopardy. Now I'm in a menu I can't escape."
Back in the day, a TV had three jobs: on, off, and channel up. Now it wants Wi-Fi, subscriptions, and your credit card number.
Common Tips:
Which HDMI Port Works?
Your remote probably has a button labeled “Input” or “Source.”
Tap it slowly (no need to mash).
Wait 3–5 seconds after each press. Trust the process.
Smart TV Won’t Respond?
Unplug it from the wall. Wait 15 seconds.
Plug it back in. It's not tech support, it’s universal wisdom.
Streaming vs. Cable:
If you’re paying for Netflix, Amazon Prime, and cable, you’re being robbed politely. Consider picking 1 or 2 and sticking with those. You don’t need 900 shows at once.
Talking Remotes:
If it has a microphone button, press and hold, then talk to it clearly, and don’t yell at it like it owes you money.
Fiber Tip:
“When all else fails, call your grandchildren. If they sigh audibly, you’re on the right track.”
“Half the time it works. The other half it just gaslights you.”
Here’s a secret: even the “IT guy” unplugs things and tries again.
Common Tips:
Wi-Fi Not Working?
Unplug the modem and router (usually two boxes).
Wait 15–30 seconds. Plug them back in.
Wait for the blinking lights to do their light show. Then try again.
Bluetooth Being Weird?
Turn Bluetooth off, wait 10 seconds, turn it on again.
Forget the device if needed, then re-pair.
Bluetooth: it's clingy, but forgetful.
What’s the Difference Between Wi-Fi and Data?
Wi-Fi = uses your home internet (free-ish).
Mobile data = uses your cell plan (not so free).
Use Wi-Fi whenever possible, unless you're stuck at the DMV.
Fiber Tip:
“When in doubt, flip the switch off and pray to the tech gods.”
“If you’re not sure, don’t click it. That’s the rule.”
Modern scammers are slick, but we’re slicker when caffeinated.
Common Tips:
You Didn’t Win a Gift Card. Ever.
If an email says you won something, you didn't, it’s clickbait.
Pop-Ups Saying “You Have a Virus”?
Don't click anything.
Close the tab or force-close the browser (swipe up or hit Ctrl+Alt+Del on desktop).
Real Companies Don’t Call You First
If “Amazon” or “Microsoft” calls and asks for access to your computer, hang up. They don’t do that.
Passwords:
Use a password manager if you hate remembering 20 different combos.
Or just write it down in your sock drawer (real talk: it’s safer than reusing “Password123”).
Fiber Tip:
“The safest app is the one you never opened.”